John, my lovely editor, told me that unless I start controlling my potty mouth, I’m going to be out of a job.

OK, so he didn’t really say that. But I did have a talk with him about my Fucked Up Fridays idea, and we’ve come to the conclusion that it would be best if it was switched it to “Make Up Mondays” instead. Here’s the old description in case you missed it:

So I decided to start this new thing called I Fucked Up Friday Make Up Monday, which is basically just a weekly post of things men can get their women should they wind up in the dog house. I’m thinking that once a week is more than enough for up-to-date advice on mushy gift-giving, and if you need it more than that, perhaps you should rethink your relationship.

Let’s re-start with this Ghetto Pint Glass set. This gift would be great to make up for a small to medium-sized mistake. For example, let’s say you ACCIDENTALLY called your girl’s mom an annoying old hag. Or maybe you unknowingly inferred that you thought the dress she wore to the movies the other night made her look fat. Or, you pulled the classic “it’s really… short” card when she asked you what you thought of her new haircut. Whatever the case, you were probably insensitive and she’s in her bedroom flipping magazine pages very loudly and you’re sitting on the couch, playing video games because there’s no way you’re getting any tonight.

Well, problem solved, gentleman! What you need to do is put yourself down and boost her confidence in a crafty way, and this $8.00 Ghetto Pint Glass set from Urban Outfitters is the perfect for that. Waltz into the room with these babies and say, “Hey honey, look what I bought for us!” She’ll raise an eyebrow, see the glasses and ALMOST sock you in the face for calling her a ho, but right when her fist clenches is when you hand her the pimp glass and say, “This one’s yours.”