A while back a friend of mine was on a hunt for the best drugstore mascara in all the land. After numerous tiring trips to Rite Aid, here are her results:

Telescopic by L’Oreal: The brush is small so it gets all your lashes but it’s clumpy and really doesn’t separate them, which gives your eyes a spidery gross look.

LashBlast by Covergirl: It’s OK, but it doesn’t lengthen and the brush is so huge that unless you have lashes that extend two inches out from your eyes, you’re going to need at least five q-tips to clean up the excess on your eyelids and probably forehead and cheekbones.

Define-A-Lash by Maybelline: The wand is really flexible so you can get all your lashes, but it clumps badly and I’m convinced something terrible happens to the formula after the tube has been in use for about a week because it stops defining your lashes and starts giving you the spidery gross look we all try so hard to avoid.

Eye Magnifer by Rimmel: Great at lengthening but doesn’t really thicken.

Great Lash by Maybelline: An old standard. It’s dependable, the brush gets all your lashes, there’s minimal clumping, it lengthens, it thickens and it lasts all day. It’s the best overall.

Yes ladies, she’s serious, so go into you bathrooms and dig out the bag of reject makeup I’m sure you all have, and you pick up that beautiful pink tube with the green cap and hold it very close to your heart because it will always, always be there for you.

Maybelline Great Lash has been around forever. I’m not sure how long exactly, but since my mom used to use it in high school, I’m pretty sure it made its debut somewhere around The Beginning of Time. The reason it’s stayed around for so long is because it has all the fundamental qualities of a great mascara  mentioned above (the brush gets all the lashes, there is very minimal clumping, it’s lengthening, it thickens) and it’s under $5.00. The one tiny thing it doesn’t do for you is curl, but I think that’s also the reason it doesn’t clump, so buy yourself a lash curler and call it a day. And if you’re still hesitant on taking my word for it, way more reputable sources feel the same way. Great Lash receives beauty awards every year, the most recent being Readers’ Choice in 2008 for Allure magazine, Readers’ Choice in 2007 for Essence magazine, Readers’ Choice in 2007 for Teen Vogue and Best in Beauty for Women’s Day magazine in 2006.

$2.99 on Amazon

More action with Palmela Handerson than your girl lately? Buy yourself a shirt with this print on the back of it, wear it in front of her, and tell her it’s because you want to be able to surprise her every second she sees you.

She’ll strip that shirt right off of you and you can kick Palmela to the curb.

$20.00 at Threadless

I thought about writing a witty little post about how often I wish I could re-do my life to go along with this product, but this description from www.urbanoutfitters.com is perfect:

“Remember those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books? Well, this is like that, only it’s about your LIFE! It’s the last day of High School - should you marry or stay single? Go on to college or fulfill your fantasy of traveling to Europe? Become an artist, an entrepreneur, a homemaker, a doctor…or a drug dealer? There are hundreds of lives sown inside Pretty Little Mistakes, Heather McElhatton’s singularly spectacular, breathtakingly unique novel that has more than 150 possible endings. You may end up in an opulent mansion or homeless down by the river; happily married with your own corporation or alone and pecked to death by ducks in London; a Zen master in Japan or morbidly obese in a trailer park. Is it destiny or decision that controls our fate? You can’t change your past and start over from scratch in real life - but in Pretty Little Mistakes, you can! But be warned, choose wisely.”

Feed your imagination and inner teenager. $14.95 on Amazon.

Just this month I house sat for friend of mine whose wife has a luscious garden that requires daily attention. She grows grapes, potatoes, tomatoes, crook neck squash, strawberries, corn and beans annually, and her four-year-old daughter has little flowers growing in tiny pots on the deck. Or at least, she DID have little flowers growing in tiny pots on the deck, until I house sat and didn’t realize there was anything growing in the pots and they all shriveled and died during our last heat wave. She cried and I felt awful.

Contrary to my black thumb, I really enjoy plants and have several little guys around my room to brighten up the place, but they’re not just your regular old plants, they’re micro terrariums!

Micro Terrariums are perfect for people like me because you cannot possibly mess up. They come with everything you need, including instructions on how NOT to fail, and only need to be watered once a week. Still doubtful? The packaging on these bad boys claims they’re appropriate for people ages 4 and up, so, if a FOUR YEAR OLD CAN DO IT, SO CAN YOU. And look at those little carnivorous babies! Aren’t they just the cutest?

Price: $3.00 on Amazon

Also, check out the Micro Eucalyptus, Fairies Favorite Flower, and  the Micro Pine Tree

John, my lovely editor, told me that unless I start controlling my potty mouth, I’m going to be out of a job.

OK, so he didn’t really say that. But I did have a talk with him about my Fucked Up Fridays idea, and we’ve come to the conclusion that it would be best if it was switched it to “Make Up Mondays” instead. Here’s the old description in case you missed it:

So I decided to start this new thing called I Fucked Up Friday Make Up Monday, which is basically just a weekly post of things men can get their women should they wind up in the dog house. I’m thinking that once a week is more than enough for up-to-date advice on mushy gift-giving, and if you need it more than that, perhaps you should rethink your relationship.

Let’s re-start with this Ghetto Pint Glass set. This gift would be great to make up for a small to medium-sized mistake. For example, let’s say you ACCIDENTALLY called your girl’s mom an annoying old hag. Or maybe you unknowingly inferred that you thought the dress she wore to the movies the other night made her look fat. Or, you pulled the classic “it’s really… short” card when she asked you what you thought of her new haircut. Whatever the case, you were probably insensitive and she’s in her bedroom flipping magazine pages very loudly and you’re sitting on the couch, playing video games because there’s no way you’re getting any tonight.

Well, problem solved, gentleman! What you need to do is put yourself down and boost her confidence in a crafty way, and this $8.00 Ghetto Pint Glass set from Urban Outfitters is the perfect for that. Waltz into the room with these babies and say, “Hey honey, look what I bought for us!” She’ll raise an eyebrow, see the glasses and ALMOST sock you in the face for calling her a ho, but right when her fist clenches is when you hand her the pimp glass and say, “This one’s yours.”

I know, I know, I posted about decals yesterday, but CHECK IT OUT! They make them for your laptop too! How cool is that?

$12.99 on Amazon

I know men usually come to mind  when the topic of commitment phobia comes up, but women totally have it too. For instance, I couldn’t commit to a design if my life depended on it. I rearrange my furniture frequently, the color of my nails changes every two to three days, I can’t pick just one style of clothing and if I had the time, the design on my website would probably change daily. That is why my friends, wall decals are GENIUS. They come in a variety of colors and designs, are easy to apply and don’t leave a trace of anything behind if you remove them.

Take a look at the photo to the left. Dandelions floating in a bedroom never looked so good, right? Now imagine switching them out with a chandelier! Or how about a Cherry Blossom Tree? Some funky vases? A flock of birds, perhaps? The possibilities are endless!

The design pictured here is by Dolos Sticks, but Luka on Amazon has a much wider selection, including decals for kids, which can be found here.

Blowfish is already a popular brand over in Europe, but I hadn’t heard of it until last summer when I waltzed into Urban Outfitters in downtown San Francisco and saw their Hobbit boot. True, it’s a funny name and I felt a tad bit like Frodo Baggins when I put them on, but only for a second or two.

I’m on the vertically challenged side so I don’t usually purchase ankle boots because they often make my legs look about five inches long, but the cool thing about this boot is that see those buttons? They’re not just for looks. I unbutton mine halfway down and fold the cuff over at an angle because the inside is a different color than the outside (mine are black with a green interior) and the color contrast is super cute!

Blowfishshoes.com sells them for $49, but you can also find them in patterns that don’t scream we-were-made-from-your-granny’s-old-curtains for the same price at Delia’s.

Bacne is like, the ugliest word ever. It’s also ugly. Sometimes I think uglier even than face acne. But don’t worry, Murad’s here to save the day.

$36.00 on Amazon

*Note: Guys, acne products are definitely not good presents, and I don’t even think my Make-Up Monday ideas could get you out of the dog house if you handed your girl ANYTHING containing salicylic acid. I’m just sayin’.

Calling all women who are tired of being labeled “Slut” because of their thong hanging out of their pants!

Once I tried to wear men’s boxer shorts instead of my regular underwear because they’re comfortable and I love how girls can get away with wearing men’s clothes and look sexy doing it. You know you love it too, don’t deny it. Unfortunately, the boxer thing didn’t work out because as much as I love men’s underclothes, they don’t look good under MY clothes. They’re too big and shaped all wrong and the lumps of fabric showing through my jeans agree with neither me nor the general public.

Thank you April Banks for designing an adorable solution! From foxersboxers.com:

FOXERS are women’s underwear with the waistband design from men’s boxer shorts. Essentially they serve as a way for women to have the comfort and style of boxer shorts but still look and feel sexy. When wearing FOXERS you might be asked “Are you wearing boxer shorts?” You can proudly answer, “not boxers, FOXERS” and (if you dare) show a little more of what lies beneath. They currently come in three different styles:

1. Bstrings are a very ironic design. The last thing anyone expects below the boxer style waistband is a pair of thong panties! The soft cotton and comfortable design have converted many non-thong wearers to Bstrings. Give them a try!
2. Boy Shorts are essentially girl’s boxer briefs and our answer to boxer shorts for women. They are equally suited for laying around the house on Sunday or wearing out with your favorite low rise jeans on Friday night. Let them show just a touch.
3. Lace Veda Boxers are ultra feminine and contrast the masculine top with the lace bottoms. They were originally designed for April’s friend Veda but other friends were so excited about the sample that they never made it to her! Don’t worry she has several pair now. The lace is soft and stretches to provide a comfortable fit. Veda loves them and so will you.

The site also has a men’s collection that features boxers with the same waistband patters used for the women’s underwear, so now you can not only purchase your own pair of comfy knickers, you can purchase some for your man friend as well and MATCH.

This is the part where I go die from cuteness overload.

$22.50 - $34.00 at www.foxersboxers.com